Tuesday, August 3, 2010

today


is better. And actually yesterday was better.

It usually is.

Because I refuse to let things get me down for too long. I've seen what that does to people. Not good.

A big part of that is because of my awesome blog readers :) Funny how putting some of your frustrations, fears, general crapiness down on paper (or in a blog post) can really be cathartic. 

So......

For your sweet comments
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I also find it funny how us tummy people stick together. And you all know who you are! As soon as you find out someone has IBS, or Crohn's, or Colitis, or whatever, you instantly have so much in common. I imagine it's pretty similar with any kind of illness or disease. I've been dealing with this stuff since I was in grade school. I started having tests (barium enemas, scope down the throat, colonoscopies, the whole nine yards) when I was 18 or 19. I had my gall bladder out at 25, and a foot of my small bowel along with my appendix at 34. Most of all that crap is what's causing my infertility. Fun stuff!! 

But no matter how frustrating or depressing it can sometimes get, there's always someone out there who understands. That makes a huge difference. I imagine it's the same for other things we have to go through in life. Unfortunately a lot of the products on the market (probiotics, etc) don't work very well for me. They help a little but not much. Cause when you have several parts of your digestive system removed things get a little wonky.
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In better news, we have decided to go ahead with IVF. It's funny how we've spent months and months talking about this, going back and forth, the pros and cons, etc. And now that we've actually made the decision we feel a bit more at ease. All of the fears are still there but we're giving those up to God. I have felt over the last few months that He's been giving me the go ahead to not be fearful and so I'm going to trust in Him. This doesn't mean that I absolutely think it will work. Maybe it won't. Maybe His will is that I go through this, don't get pregnant, and then I have closure. Cause He knows I need it :)


I debated whether or not to share this. Because, of course, there's really only a 30% chance that it will work. And we've agreed that we'll try it twice (assuming I have leftover embryos to use for a 2nd try). Not super odds but I've never had a problem being pregnant. It's just all these dang surgeries and Crohn's that's added the problems. But I know that there's many women out there going through the same thing. And I've said it before, this blog is my life. I don't hide behind a fake perfect life. No one's life is perfect, no matter how much they tout it is on their blog. So there it is!! I hope you'll walk (or blog!) with me on this new journey of mine!

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6 comments:

Nadine said...

Thanks Michelle, for sharing all this with us. It must be very difficult for you. But there is hope, maybe you will soon have a baby. I am a miracle baby myself. My mom suffered from Morbus Crohn's from the age of 14 and was never supposed to make it past the age of 18. (that was in the late 60's/early 70's with Morbus Crohn being still very dangerous). She spent almost a year in hospital at 18 and has been wearing colostomy bags since. She was never supposed to have children and the doctors told her she couldn't physically get pregnant. But she did and insisted on having me (had to even sign a declaration to say she was doing it at her own risk) and then 7 years later she had my brother.
And my mom is still alive. Going strong, and now medicine can deal much better with these illnesses.

So good luck to you, you never know what might happen.

Kelli said...

So glad today is better and that you received support and encouragement. I pray for all the best for you regarding the IVF. Thanks for being transparent...I'm sure that touches and inspires others.

Kim's Treasures said...

Glad you're feeling better! Praying for you and the IVF!

Carol said...

My heart stopped when I saw the package of pacifiers! I thought you were going to say you were pregnant already!

Wishing you all the luck it takes to have another baby. If anyone has enough love to give, it's you.

Mara... said...

I'm so glad today is better than yesterday!! And good luck with the IVF...i'm sending good thoughts your way!

Bec said...

If you ever need someone to share a "crappy" story with, I hear ya :) Nothing like walking around with a pharmacy of stomach pills since you were 9 years old, right?

p.s. don't you wish they told you about the balloon BEFORE the B.E. That was a shocker.

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